Fall is here, and with it comes colorful leaves, crisp air, pumpkins, and for high school seniors — the college application process.
A parent recently wrote me:
“My senior has become increasingly stressed out about college applications. He is consumed with ‘acceptance rates’ and is agonizing over his essay. Is there anything I can do to help reduce the stress of this process?”
A timely inquiry, for sure. Of the roughly 350 Belmont High School seniors, upwards of 300 are currently touring campuses, writing essays, requesting references, and entering four years’ worth of activities into the Common App.
Among many seniors, stress levels are related to deciding where to apply and, as you noted, acceptance rates. It’s important for your son to realize that the best school for him isn’t necessarily some universally hailed “top school” as determined by peers, guidebooks, or social media. The best school is one that would be the best fit for him. One way to mitigate stress is to guide him in applying to schools with an academic and emotional environment that suits who he is and not just schools with lots of cultural cachet.
Here are a few more things to consider:
Enrollment: Does he want to attend a small (fewer than 2,000 students), medium (2,000 to 5,000), or large (greater than 6,000) school?
Location/Distance: Does your son prefer a city, suburban, or rural setting? Is he more comfortable being a short drive from home, or does he want to explore further—perhaps out west, down south, or even across the pond? Factor in the cost of plane tickets, the stress of long-distance travel, potential feelings of isolation, and the emotional toll of not returning home until major holidays like Thanksgiving or winter break.
Ratings: As noted above, seniors tend to assume that the best schools are those with the best ratings or reputation. They forget that colleges are businesses that spend a great deal of effort marketing themselves and cultivating an allure. There are great teachers at many schools; elite colleges don’t have a monopoly on fine education. Your senior needs to look past the sales pitch and see what’s possible for him at many schools.
Best Fit, Not “Best School”: Many seniors and their parents think the goal is to go to the best school they can get accepted to. But by “best school,” they often mean the most elite or the one with the highest scores — In other words, the ones we’ve all convinced ourselves have the most to offer.
That type of thinking is a recipe for tremendous stress now and possible regret later. Elite schools turn away many perfectly qualified students because they only have room for a finite number of freshmen.
Furthermore, consider not classifying schools as “reach, target, safety.” This kind of labeling suggests that “reach” schools are more selective and, therefore, better. Instead, adopt the adage that “all schools are good schools.” Again, focus on exploring the “best match” for your child.
As you discuss this over the next several months, be sure to tell him how proud you are of him and of how hard he has worked. Tell him you are and will continue to be proud, regardless of which school he ends up attending. Remind him that being happy at college has much more to do with finding a good fit than any other measure. Finally, as the acceptances and rejections roll in, remind him that they do not determine his self-worth.
Lisa Gibalerio, MPH, is the author of the Ask Lisa column, where she answers questions from parents about how to navigate the teen and pre-teen years. Lisa oversees the Belmont Wellness Coalition, a program of Wayside Youth & Family Support Network. The advice provided in this column is for informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional care.
If you have a question for Lisa, send it to: asklisa@belmontvoice.org.