A parent reached out to me with a question concerning her college sophomore:
“His freshman year didn’t go well academically. My husband and I chalked it up to the inevitable challenges of adjusting to college. But we just reviewed his latest grades, and there is no improvement. When we discuss it, our son claims that everything is fine and his grades are just what they are, but I’m concerned. Is there anything we can say that will make a difference?”
First of all, it sounds like you have been sharing your concerns with your son, and that is positive. Keeping the lines of communication open will be important for you to begin to understand the root causes of why his grades have been subpar for three semesters. Once the causes are identified, you will be in a good position to work together with him to address them.
Some questions to consider to get at the root of the issue:
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How is he approaching the task of studying? If he is applying himself and studying hard, but still receiving poor grades, maybe his course selection is too challenging. But if he is not putting in the needed effort, you will need to explore with him what underlies that: is he lacking motivation? feeling overwhelmed? missing essential study skills? responding to some other emotional challenge?
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Regardless of the cause of his low grades, does his university offer tutoring services, study groups, or other support? Many courses have upper-class teaching assistants who are available to offer academic support to students in need. Suggest he investigate what supports are available.
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Could time management be a challenge? The transition from high school to college can be a big leap for some kids. Many struggle with the reduced structure in the face of increased temptations. There may be campus resources offering time management and organizational support. Some kids really benefit from working with academic advisers to set achievable goals and learn how to break down large assignments into smaller manageable tasks.
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Has he been swept up in socializing and is not giving his studies the appropriate time? Hanging with friends and having a social life is integral to the college experience but should not eclipse academics. He will need to figure out how to balance socializing with academic demands.
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How is his mental health? Does he seem well-adjusted after three semesters? If he seems to be struggling emotionally (with anxiety, depression, social issues, etc.), encourage him to seek support from counseling services on campus or elsewhere.
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Is this the right time for him to be pursuing a college education in the first place? College is a costly investment and graduation from high school does not automatically equal college-readiness. Would he benefit from some time off, perhaps working for a while, to figure out if he is indeed fit for higher education at this time in his life?
As you navigate the spring semester with him and express your hopes for him, remember to lean into positive reinforcement. Celebrate small wins and milestones to maintain motivation, and offer genuine praise — not merely for improved grades — but also for effort and progress. You have every right to expect that he will apply himself and your support will hopefully help guide him to that transition.
Lisa Gibalerio, MPH, is the author of the Ask Lisa column, where she answers questions from parents about how to navigate the teen and pre-teen years. Lisa oversees the Belmont Wellness Coalition, a program of Wayside Youth & Family Support Network. The advice provided in this column is for informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional care.
If you have a question for Lisa, send it to: asklisa@belmontvoice.org.