When Belmont police officer Michael Horan was 12, his father died. While he tried to work through his grief, he also had to manage living with a secret: he was gay.
“I was growing into a young gay man and living in a very staunch Irish Catholic household where there were a lot of rules, there were high expectations, just in terms of everyday life,” Horan said. “It was hard to find time to grieve, let alone to cope with coming to terms with being gay.”
Horan shared his story last week at the Beech Street Center, speaking as part of a National Coming Out Day panel hosted by the Belmont LGBTQ+ Alliance.
Panelists from the Belmont community, who ranged in age from their teens to their mid-60s, shared their stories of discovering and figuring out their sexuality and of their experiences coming out.
Common themes and contrasting experiences emerged across the discussion. Panelist John O’Connor, who described being a young gay man in the 1980s, succinctly summarized it.
“It’s been an amazing journey for me as a 61-year-old to look back at my coming out story and then to see how different people have it today,” O’Connor said. “Not easier, not harder, but different.”
O’Connor served as the intern minister last year at the First Church in Belmont.
A big part of what makes things so different now, he said, is the access to information and the openness with which some people can discuss and explore their sexuality and identity.
Kira O’Neill, a recent Belmont High School graduate, told the panel her experience learning about different concepts of gender identity and trying to figure out what felt right primarily involved discussions with friends and family. She tried using different pronouns at summer camp and during high school. Despite some challenges and bumps along the way, she’s been able to continue exploring her identity with a broadly supportive network.
Still, even as concepts of gender, sexual identity, and queerness have become more recognized within the mainstream, challenges and discrimination remain.
Belmont resident and high school junior Bella Reardon said she didn’t even know the term “bisexual” when she first realized she liked girls. She recalled an early girlfriend breaking up with her, ostensibly for one of the many reasons that see similar young romances end. Earlier this year, however, Bella reconnected with her friend, who told her that her parents demanded the breakup because they didn’t want their daughter dating another girl.
“I found out I dealt with homophobia before I knew what homophobia was,” Reardon said.
Reardon recounted coming out to her mom, who was surprised but supportive, later coming out to her similarly supportive boyfriend in ninth grade.
“I really try to make it clear from the moment I meet someone that, like, this is who I am, and I’m proud of that,” Reardon said.
Mae Forkin, who first began to realize she was gay as a teenager in the 1970s, said she’s always been relatively open about who she is.
“I always showed my feelings all the time,” she said. “I could never hide anything, so it was just kind of always there.”
Forkin, a Belmont librarian, said her openness sometimes led to rejection. As a teen, she wrote a letter to a friend about trying to figure out how she felt, but it was intercepted by her friend’s mother.
“I called her house looking for her, and her mother said, ‘We don’t want to have anything to do with you,’” Forkin said.
Ultimately, she said, her experience highlights how different things are today, even if rejection still exists. For example, Forkin said her 16-year-old daughter was the one to explain to her what it meant to be nonbinary.
“I think we’ve come so far,” Forkin said. “I wish it were more like that when I was growing up.”
“I don’t know if it’s easier now because it sounds like there are some people who are not that open,” she added, “but it’s definitely different than it was back then.”
For Horan, things got better. He came out during the police academy after meeting several other gay officers before telling his family.
Their response? “It’s about time.”