Eric J. Perkins
About six years ago, when my son was a fifth-grader at Chenery Middle School, I attended a parent workshop sponsored by the school guidance department called “Navigating the Cyber World.”It was billed as reviewing “the challenges and dangerous situations that may arise through use of the internet, social media, and smartphones.” It scared the hell out of me.
I vividly recall the speaker saying that we as parents needed to have the login and password of every conceivable social media account our children could have. They also advocated for a “Wait until Eight” (as in eighth grade) policy on getting phones for our kids..
We followed that last bit of advice—our older kids did not get phones until their 13th birthdays. Though this didn’t bother my son much, my older daughter felt like the last kid in her class to have a phone, and she didn’t hesitate to remind us about that weekly. But my takeaway from that workshop was that once our kids were on social media, they were essentially entering a psychological war zone. That going online inevitably meant being bullied or becoming a bully.
For the record, we did not follow all of the advice from that workshop; we don’t have access to our kids’ accounts. My wife felt we needed to respect their privacy and maintain a sense of trust. My reason lay more in a genuine fear of what I might find and never being able to look my kid in the eye again. I understand why some parents require their children to share their passwords with them. Giving your kid free access to social media feels a bit like setting them loose in a minefield. You never know when one single devastating comment, one video posted with bad judgment, or one omission of being mentioned in a group photo, will derail their entire sense of self-worth.
Gen X occupies a unique niche in the history of social media. We were the last generation to grow up without it, and we are the first generation to raise children for whom social media has always been a thing. Society expects us to help our kids navigate this world when, frankly, we’re not doing such a hot job of navigating it ourselves.
Though I have a Facebook account, I took the Facebook app off my phone years ago. When I do look at the Belmont Facebook groups, I want to peek at them through my fingers like I’m watching a scary movie. I begrudgingly log in with an attitude of “What toxic comment or outrageous piece of misinformation is going to trigger me today?” To protect my own psychological safety, I try to stick to my personal rule of “Do Not Engage.”
But it’s not all bad. I’ve used LinkedIn and Twitter (now X) for years to reach out to fellow scientists for advice. If I share my own expertise on social media, it can also lead to cool opportunities, such as when I struck up a conversation with comic book creator Rob Guillory. I ended up becoming a science consultant for his new book, and he drew my image into the comic! This was a career highlight for me.
My neighbor, Kate Jewell, is a historian who has been using social media to promote her new book, “Live From the Underground.” She’s drummed up publicity for her book and scored multiple speaking and podcast invites.
It’s important to share these positive use cases with our kids because, as many Gen Xers have already learned, you really can’t control if or how they use social media. We’re not going to stop them or even find where they are online. They’re not on Facebook — that’s for the old folks. My daughter and I follow each other on Instagram, but she never posts there because that’s where her generation looks at celebrities, art, and memes, not where they actually post their own pictures to one another. I concede that I’ll never catch up with the platforms they’re using.
Our own Belmont High is banning phones in classrooms this coming school year. This might help with student focus during class, but it certainly won’t curb phone addiction. I think my generation’s best bet is to try to lead by example. Use social media wisely; it can be a powerful tool for making professional connections and maintaining friendships. And a great source of funny cat videos.
Eric J. Perkins writes about Gen X as part of our Generations column for The Belmont Voice.