Jessica Barnard
“Guess what my mother-in-law gave me for Christmas,” said my friend Jill, rolling her eyes. “Menopause pajamas!”
This was about 10 years ago, and I almost fell on the floor laughing. Menopause pajamas! What even was that? Jill and I were barely 40! Menopause was for old people, the ones who were ready to let themselves go as gravity and chin hairs took over. It had nothing to do with us.
Little did we know that we, along with most of Generation X, were on the cusp of perimenopause, the four to eight-year transition to menopause where your hormones go wild, and you think you are losing your mind. My doctor never mentioned perimenopause. Neither did my mother. My friends and I were left to do our own research from books, podcasts, and social media. Once we learned about it, we couldn’t shut up.
When I have weird new issues like joint pain, dry eyes, and sudden rage at the sound of my spouse breathing, I turn to my friends. Kaysea, nicknamed the Menopause Whisperer, assures me that yes, this too is a symptom of perimenopause, and then shares some advice about hormone replacement therapy, dietary changes, self-medication with supplements and cannabis. Mostly, she assures me that I’m not alone.
“When my friends started talking about their issues, I wanted to keep the conversation going and share what I learned,” she says. “I’m glad it’s not a secret anymore.”
Gen X invented using any available form of media to tell our personal stories, from ‘zines to blogs to oversharing on Facebook. So of course, we brought a hush-hush topic into mainstream conversation. Social media is full of celebrities, influencers, and VIP doctors bringing knowledge, humor, and even glamor to aging. We aren’t willing to suffer in silence.
By contrast, a friend of mine remembers going through menopause 30 years ago in the 1990s. Without shared wisdom from family or friends, she got her information from the only source she could find, the feminist publication Ms. Magazine.
With the new openness on perimenopause and menopause, however, comes a new standard of expectations. “Little House on the Prairie” actress Melissa Gilbert is on the cover of People magazine sharing her menopause journey, claiming, “I’ve never felt more vital and vibrant!” Gwyneth Paltrow poses in a bikini on her 50th birthday.
Beyond the sound medical advice to lift weights, eat protein, and prioritize sleep, we are also expected to fight appearing old with our clothes, make up, and feisty attitudes. This barrage of personalities capitalizing on menopause to sell their supplements or clothing line feels like too much. As women, we’ve been relentlessly targeted our whole lives with messages of how we can achieve more, look prettier, be thinner. What if menopause could be a time where we talk to our friends and doctors about our physical and mental health, but stress less about those chin hairs?
Now that I’m the target audience, I think of Jill’s Christmas menopause pajamas a lot. I imagine they are lightweight to help with hot flashes, absorbent in case of night sweats, and loose around bloated tummies. Maybe they are so comfortable that we realize sometimes it’s okay to just relax and accept our bodies and minds where they are. As someone who works through these issues every day, I hope I get those pajamas for Christmas this year.
Jessica Barnard works at the Weatherhead Center for International Affairs at Harvard University. She is a former employee of Grub Street Writers and is secretly writing a romance novel in her spare time. Jessica received her MA in English from the Harvard Extension School in 2021, so even as a Gen X-er, she can relate to the Zoom graduation generation. While originally from the U.S. Virgin Islands, Jessica has lived in Belmont for 15 years with her husband and two children.