While grieving the loss of her daughter, Lyla, Belmont resident Heather Toland discovered the podcast “Confessions of a Grieving Mother,” created by the nonprofit organization Emma’s Footprints.
“It really helped me listen to other moms tell their stories and made me feel less alone and feel a sense of hope for the future,” Toland said.
Toland said Lyla died of a rare genetic disorder at two weeks old on July 11, 2021. The condition wasn’t discovered until after her birth; Toland’s pregnancy was otherwise normal.
“It was a very isolating time,” Toland recalled. “We didn’t know anybody that had an infant loss.”
Through Emma’s Footprints, Toland found other families who understood the loss she and her husband, Owen, had suffered. The nonprofit hosts virtual and in-person support groups for mothers who have lost a pregnancy or an infant, offers mentorship opportunities, and provides financial support for everything from cremation services and headstones to counseling services. To date, the nonprofit says it has served more than 3,000 families nationwide.
Emma’s Footprints also hosts an annual memorial walk in several U.S. cities — this year, thanks to Toland, a fifth has been added to the list: Boston. The walk will take place Saturday, May 2, from 9 a.m. to noon at the Mother’s Rest Area at Carson Beach in Boston.
“It was really important for me to bring this walk to Boston for a number of reasons, and also just to get the word out about Emma’s Footprints,” said Toland, a member of the organization’s board of directors. “After Lyla passed away, we didn’t know of any resources.”
The walk itself is free, but participants are encouraged to donate when they register. So far, $31,000 has been raised, and more than 10 organizations have committed to sponsoring the event. At least 10 walk teams and 250 participants are registered.
“It will really just be a place that loss families can come together, connect, share their stories,” she said.
Reflecting on her own experience nearly five years ago, Toland said if there was one thing she learned, it’s that there’s no instant fix to grief, nor is one person going to help take the pain away.
“What is helpful is knowing that when you do find that sense of community, at least for me, that really is the thing that helps us the most — being able to meet other people and share your story,” she said.
And that’s what she hopes to create with the inaugural Boston Pregnancy and Infant Loss Memorial Walk.
“It’s really my goal for this walk to be the first step to really create a sense of community,” she said.
Grief doesn’t get easier with time, she said, but carrying and living with the grief does.
“We don’t miss our daughter any less than we did five years ago,” she said. “We’re just able to carry the grief differently on a day-to-day basis.”
To donate or register in advance, go to tinyurl.com/InfantLossMemorialWalk. Toland also welcomes families in need of support to contact her directly at heatheretoland@yahoo.com.
Emma’s Footprints has also launched a new free meet-up series for mothers who have lost a pregnancy or an infant. The plan is to meet quarterly at a different location each time. The first one in Boston will be Sunday, July 12, at Castle Island.
